The Bathroom Attendant

Is there anything more disheartening than walking into the bar bathroom only to be greeted by the last person you want to see -- the bathroom attendant? Worst of all is when you stroll into an empty bathroom and you are greeted by a nod and then pure silence. At this moment you try anything you can to avoid the awkwardness (as said bathroom attendant sits there and watches you pee). "How you doing?" you ask. "Not too bad," answers Mr. Attendant followed by more silence. Damnit! Can't I be done peeing yet!? What else can I ask this guy? "Busy night?" "Nah, it's pretty quiet tonight," he responds. It's at this moment you remember that in order to wash your hands it is going to cost you a dollar. At least he might have a stale piece of gum or a cigarette for your worries. You go to wash your hands as Mr. Bathroom Attendant rolls off a couple of pieces of paper towel. You dry your hands, throw a buck or 2 in his basket, then do WHATEVER you can the rest of the night to avoid having to pee again. Your friends ask you why you have stopped drinking and you try to explain why you are doing whatever you can to de-hydrate yourself and avoid a repeat trip to the bathroom.

I can not stand when a bar has a bathroom attendent. I have a friend who will remain nameless who mentioned that he just doesn't wash his hands when there is an attendent. I have another friend who will also remain nameless who tells me the key is to pretend that the bathroom attendant does not exist. Do your business, wash your hands, then ignore his paper towels and get your own. I'm not going to not wash my hands and I'm too nice to just flat out ignore the guy, so I'm completely lost to what I can do.

Now I do feel badly that the bathroom attendant is performing this duty to get a paycheck and feed his family - so most of my angst is not against him. I am much more upset at the bar who has hired someone to fill this position. You are the one who has put me in this awkward situation where I actually feel guilty about going to the bathroom and then washing my hands. Why are you doing this to me!? I am patronizing your bar -- well -- I was tonight, but you can forget about me ever coming back to this place. It's almost like when a homeless person starts washing your car windshield without you asking and you have to pay them just to go away -- in fact, it's EXACTLY like that. I think for now on when I go to a bar I am going to ask for a $1 tip when I pass them an empty glass. It's only fair. I'll even throw in a piece of stale gum.

Sarah Palin

Do I even have to elaborate on this one?

I liked Sarah Parlin until McCain idiotically chose her (or his people at least) as his running mate. The reason I liked her is because I had never heard of her. When I first read the description of her background I thought I was reading an Onion article... nope! This could have been our future vice-president. And since Senator McCain ran for president the ripe ol age of 73, it was not too unlikely that she could at some point over the next 4 years been in charge of our country!

Sarah Palin annoying? You Betcha! Let's reminisce over a few of the reasons why:

-She is pro-life and does not think a woman has a right to choose (everyone is entitled to their own views and that's not why I think she's annoying) -- but, when it hits close to home and her 17 year-old daughter Bristol gets knocked up by the local H.S. hockey star, she is thrilled that "Bristol has made the choice to have her baby." Oh!! now that it's YOU affected, you now have a choice?? Why do you emphasize the fact that Bristol "made this decision," and then push for policies that take away that choice??

-What is with the names of your kids? Track?? Trigg?? Bristol?? Piper??

-You are "so in tune with handicapped rights" and helping out the needy --- yet before you had a baby born with down-syndrome (which you need to REMIND everyone of constantly to take advantage of the situation), you cut funding drastically in your own state for Special Olympics AND several other programs which help the handicapped and needy. Give me a break!

-You actually think you have a chance to be the president one day. HAHAHHAHHAHAHHAA!!

-You are kind of like Brett Favre, you just WON'T go away


It is yet to be determined whether Sarah Palin stepping down as Alaska's governor will mean we will be seeing more or less of her. I sure hope it's less, but I have a feeling it's the opposite. She's just that annoying pest that just WON'T go away! Everytime I have placed her out of my mind she comes popping right back in.

Please Sarah - stay in Alaska with your husband Todd and weird-named kids. Please stop making Americans look bad. And please, please, PLEASE just take your 20 minutes, take a snow-mobile & get lost and stay away forever.

Bars with lines

There is only 1 bar in the city of Chicago (a certain bar that will remain unnamed to maintain my dignity) I am ever willing to wait in line for and that happens on the rarest of occasions (those of which I am in the mood to do some late night dancing on a make-shift stage in a dark-shady overpacked basement). I often question those people who are okay with waiting in lines whenever they go out. Also, if I am forced to pay a "cover charge" there better be some sort of entertainment such as live music, free drinks, or midget wrestling involved.

Why is it that on those occasions which I am convinced by a friend to wait in a line for some lame bar and upon our entry we discover it's mostly empty? This false "hype" seems to be the main culprit behind the bar line. This lame bar needs to make people think that it is SO cool that it needs a line (which are usually also comprised of 90% males). I also enjoy the bouncers/doormen that control the lines with their bluetooth in their ears who are probably being paid little more than a McDonalds fry cook, yet act like they own the world. Oh and thanks also for staring at my ID for 2 minutes in case it's fake... you think I'd actually wait in line for 30 minutes for this crappy bar with a fake ID!?

I was recently told by a non-American that Americans LOVE waiting in lines... and know what - he's completely right. For example - go to the airport security area. The line is probably extremely long, yet you could walk 50 feet down the hall to another security area with no line. Americans just look for the first line they can find and get in it. Maybe that's the main reason I continually drive by people waiting in lines for bars.

Even though Americans love lines - I think it's UN-american to wait in a line to get into a bar. It should be written in the constitution. In fact, I think we need to ammend the 10 commandments - "Thou shalt not wait in lines for bars."

Happy 4th of July.

Standing on Escalators

"An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an Escalator Temporarily Out of Order sign, just an Escalator Temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

Why are people so incredibly lazy that they lose all ability to walk up 'stairs' when on an escalator. I understand if someone is handicapped, elderly, injured, or obese -- but for the common folk, what gives? And fine -- you are extremely out of shape and haven't been to a gym in 10 years -- or you are carrying a 15 lb. briefcase -- or you are just so tired/hungover that any movement is painful-- You STILL should be able to at least walk DOWN an escalator.

Also, is there an unwritten rule that I don't know about that says if you are taking an escalator with a friend/co-worker you are not allowed to move and you must take up the entire width of the stairs? Apparently there is -- well at least if I am behind you and I am trying to get by. Maybe if as Americans we are so concerned with rampant obesity we should adopt a "Turn off the Escalator Day" or even better an entire Month. Force people to walk up stairs!

Basic escalator etiquette is the same as rules of the road -- slow drivers to the right and pass on the left. If you so choose that you are unable to walk up a moving stairway, that is your own personal choice - stop acting so shocked that you are a few lbs overweight. But please move to the right so those of us who can handle the 15 second uphill walk are able to do so. If someone in front of you is standing on the right and you also decide to stand, DO NOT stand on the left so no one is able to pass you. If you are talking with a friend it is OKAY to walk while you talk OR both of you can legally stand on the right. And don't give me a miffed look if you are standing in the way and accidentally get bumped as I try to twist by you.

Screw it - I'll just take the stairs.

Airport delays

OK. So. I know that everyone on earth - has dealt with - or - may be currently dealing with? - airport delays. It's annoying. Oh, wait. It's EXTREMELY annoying. Flight delays definitely rank up there with some of the most annoying things that I can think of. 

Case in point: Friday, 3pm. 

Have flight from New York to Chicago. The weather in New York? 72 and sunny. SUN. Lots of it.  I'm looking out the window, so I know. And Chicago? 70 and sunny. I check my flight around 1pm, just to make sure that when I hop into my taxi (with $40 dollars in hand ready to graciously hand over to the cabby - i love giving away money - don't you!!?) that I am not jumping the gun and getting to the airport too soon. Seriously. I want to arrive there with ample time to check in, fix my makeup, peruse the magazine stand, stock up on candy, hit the bar, and make it to the gate before takeoff. That's what I want. 

Website says that flight 690 is on-time. Fabulous! Continue to check flight status on the ride there. Still on time! Who's lucky... THIS GIRL!

I arrive at the airport, check in, then proceed to security. I still have about 35 minutes to make my flight, so we're good. Get in line. Take out laptop. Take off shoes. Take off belt. Take off coat. Earrings? Nah - I'll leave them on and hope for the best.

"I'm sorry miss - you have to remove your necklace as well." Necklace: off.

"Your watch." Watch: off.

"Is your cell phone in your jeans?" Cell phone: out of jeans.

"Where's your ticket, ma'am?" Ticket is in my coat. DAMN IT. Seriously? The stress is overwhelming. Find coat.

"Ok - please walk through now." GOOD - because, I'm almost out of things to wear. And, I'm going to miss my flight.

Arrive at gate. Sit down. Breathe. Thank G-d that I remembered to grab all of my belongings from the security belt. Think about how many minutes it is going to take for me to get from Laguardia to Chicago, based on previous flights. 2 hours, 25 minutes. Need to make my dinner reservation tonight. Look at watch. Exactly 28 minutes until flight is supposed to leave. What?? Aren't we supposed to board 30 minutes in advance? Their watches must be off. Sit. Breathe. Wait. Someone has an announcement.

"Passengers on flight 690, flying to Chicago O'Hare. Your flight is now delayed due to air traffic control. We will update you momentarily regarding your estimated departure." 

OH LORD. Why is this happening! I got here on time!! The weather is perfect!! I made it through security in under 20 minutes!! I already told my mother I was leaving!! (she's EXTREMELY  anxious and tracks the entire flight online - she even knows when we receive our complimentary beverages and when the jetway is secure so that we can exit the aircraft). Fifteen minutes later...

"Passengers on flight 690, flying to Chicago's O'Hare airport. Your expected departure time is now 4:30pm." Great. It's a good thing that the weather is perfect in New York. And, Chicago. And, I am here on time. I sit. I read. I wait. I cry. Wait - I don't cry. I want to cry.

Is it just me? Am I bad luck? I feel as though I experience airport delays much more often than the average jet-setter. And yet, the only 2 cities I seem to travel to/from are New York and Chicago. 

Finally, FINALLY, our "aircraft" has arrived. "Passengers on flight 690.." "YES?! We're STILL HERE waiting... although, by the looks on some of these people's faces, we're about ready to jump ship and WALK to Chicago..." "Passengers, your aircraft has arrived in New York. Once we have cleaned the aircraft and refueled, we will begin the boarding process."

We board the plane, 2 hours late. The man in front of me has decided that, although we are not supposed to put our seats back before take-off, he is going to recline all the way into my lap. This is fun. The person to my right smells. Bad. Yet, I find solace in the fact that I am going to be taking off soon and will be landing in Chicago in about 2 hours.

"Ladies and gentlemen - this is your captain speaking. The weather in New York is 72 degrees, with winds out of the west. We are hoping for a smooth ride all the way to Chicago. Your flight attendants are, Susan, Gregory and Wanda. Please fasten your seatbelts. We will be taxi-ing out to the runway momentarily. And please turn off all electronic devices until we have reached 35 thousand feet." Yay!! We're leaving!!

"We are now on the runway. Unfortunately, air traffic control has put us on a holding pattern, due to the weather in Chicago. Please sit tight - we'll be getting an update in about 35 minutes."

The weather in Chicago? 70 and sunny. 

The Last 2 Minutes of a NBA Game

With the NBA finals finally wrapping up, I wanted to address something before it was long forgotten until next season. The last 2 minutes of a basketball game. When has the last 2 minutes of a basketball game actually taken 2 minutes?! Or better yet -- when did the last 2 minutes of a basketball take under 5 minutes? or 10 minutes? or 20 minutes?? or an hour?? Okay, you get the point.

For something like basketball which gives us a lot of non-stop back/forth action, it's disappointing that the end of close games have to be so painstakingly slow. Most of the time this is the scenario with under 2 minutes left: Team A makes a basket. Team B takes a quick shot and misses, then fouls Team A. Then we have a time-out. Then we have 2 free throws. Then we have ANOTHER time-out. Then we have another foul. Then we have another time-out... This is all in a time period of about 10 seconds of actual game time. Worst of all, the TV networks always cut away to commercials -- so each stoppage in play is at least 2 minutes long with the EXACT same commercials playing over and over... I'm incredibly sick of 'This is OUUUURRRRR country' (that means you John Mellencamp) and learning about 'The Most Interesting Man in the World." The VERY worst is the recent stretch on ESPN where we are constantly reminded by Heineken to let a stranger drive you home --- yooooouuuuuu! Gottttt what i neeeeeedddd! When you say you're just a friend!!" I enjoy Biz Markie singing that song -- not a bunch of bad actors pretending to be drunk in the back of a fake cab.

I love playing basketball and most of the time I love watching basketball, but making it through the last couple minutes of a close game is like pulling teeth. I remember growing up my Mom would be yelling at me to do something and my response would be, "as soon as the game is done!". "How much time is left", she'd ask and I'd let her know that there was 2 minutes left. 30 minutes later she'd come back into the room and see me still laying on the couch -- "What are you doing?! You said you'd clean your room after the game was over, it's been 30 minutes!" I'd simply point at the TV so she could see there was still 30 seconds left in the game.

I wish there was something the league could do in order to speed up the last couple of minutes as this problem has really caused me to become less of a fan. I've tried to DVR the game and start watching it later so I can fast-foward through commercials and free throw attempts, but it just doesn't cut it. I guess sitting through commercials for an extra 30 minutes on my couch isn't as annoying as paying $100+ for a crappy upper-deck seat to a NBA game, but that's a whole different topic...

Losing Your Wallet

A few weeks ago upon arriving home after my weekly Tuesday night softball game, I had a sudden jolt of fear when I realized I did not have my wallet. After completely scouring my car for several minutes I then decided to make the trek back to the field to see if I could get lucky. Unfortunately, a Cubs game had just ended, so a normal 10 minute voyage took almost 30 and it was not to be a lucky night.. my wallet was nowhere to be found. I held out slim hope that someone might turn it in, but deep down I already knew it was gone forever. Anyone who has ever lost their wallet knows what a pain it is to get everything replaced. As noted earlier in this blog, several annoying automated service phone calls were definitely in my future.

One thing I had going for me is I keep the anti-Costanza wallet. In other words, I kept it to the bare essentials as far as contents. Even with the bare minimum, though, I now had to replace a company credit card, personal credit card, debit card, insurance card, CTA card, and driver's license. Who knew that the EASIEST card to replace would be my insurance card? I thought for sure that would be the largest headache, but I had a new insurance card on the way after a quick 45 second phone call. As far as everything else -- no such luck.

I had the joy of being told my debit card would take 10-14 days to arrive, but I had the option to "expedite" the process for a mere $40. It would then only take up to 7 days!! Wow!!! That was a really tough decision. Oh yeah, I was also told my pin would arrive another 5 days after the card arrived, so it basically was going to be worthless anyways.

After a good 4 hours on the phone and the usual painful trip to the DMV, I was finally confident that all replacement cards were on the way. The insurance card arrived in a couple of days, the credit cards and debit card in about a week (even without the expedited add-on!), but the ONLY card that was being ordered locally in the city of Chicago - my CTA transportation card -- was nowhere to be found. How the heck does it take 3 weeks to send a replacement card? Anyone who uses the CTA on a regular basis obviously knows the answer. My guess is that they were "waiting for signals ahead."

My life is now back in working order with the return of everything in my wallet. It's definitely in the top 3 for things you never want to lose along with cell phone and keys. It is sad it has taken me several lost phones to perform the "wallet, phone, keys" self-check everytime I leave home and enter/leave a cab. Losing your wallet is one of the most dis-heartening, annoying things a person can go through. As Mitch Hedburg put it "it's hard to dance when you've lost your wallet."

Brett Favre

As a Packer fan I got used to the same old song and dance every off season over the last handful of years.. is this really the year Brett Favre is gonna hang em up? In fact, Favre played so long for the Packers that the only other QB I really even remember watching is Don 'the majik man' Majkowski. Every offseason would come, Favre acted like he was going to retire, but then he'd always decide to play another year. So when Favre finally tearfully said his farewell to football a year ago, I was pretty heartbroken. Oh well, it was time to move on, right?

HA!

Just when I was getting used to thinking the only time I'd now see the 'ol gun-slinger' play football was during Wrangler Jeans commercials, he decides he really DIDN'T retire and he was set to make a comeback. Excitement ensued across Wisconsin, especially for the fact that we we'd still get to see his hot college daughter in the press box every week! However, to make a long story short, after much deliberation Favre decided that he wasn't being shown enough love and the Packers were forced to trade him to the NY Jets.

A year and a 2nd retirement later, Favre is now looking to play for the Packers #1 hated rival, the Minnesota Vikings (we hate you too Bears fans, but in more of a "fun" way than a "hated" way if that makes sense). Yes-- the Vikings are a QB away from being a legit contender and Yes-- Favre has friends on the coaching staff and Yes-- you can say he'd be a good fit -- but the real reason he wants to come back is to stick it to the Packers. I don't think Favre realizes that he is going to need about 30 security guards with him at all time as some crazed Packer fan will surely try to assassinate him. In fact, a recent study found that the number of babies and pets named "Brett" increased by 2500% in Wisconsin between the years 1990 and 2005!

Now, the latest "story" (since there seems to be a brand-new one EVERY day.. doesn't the sports world have ANYTHING else to write about??) is that Favre's family members reserved 30+ rooms in the Green Bay area for the weekend of the Packers/Vikings game. The story also states that these rooms were reserved 2 months ago-- wait a second... 2 months ago when Favre was STILL a member of the NY Jets (although he would soon "retire" again)?? hmmm....

I loved watching Favre as a Packer and enjoyed his stellar acting chops in There's Something about Mary, but I've had enough. I always thought of Favre as someone who played for the love of the game, did things the 'right' way, and was all in all a 'good guy'-- until his true self really came out over the last couple of years. Although part of me hopes ends up playing for the Vikings and ruins whatever legacy he has remaining, I really wish he would just go away. Brett, you are beyond annoying.

Credit Card minimums

Since my move to New York City in 2005, I believe that I've encountered the oh-so-lovely "credit card minimum" at least once a month, if not more, when out on the town. The level of frustration that ensues is always directly correlated with the type of drinking establishment I am visiting. A $50 minimum at the "W" hotel or Flatiron lounge leads to very little annoyance, as all I have to do is order approximately 2 martinis, add tip, and I am all set.

The credit card minimum really bothers me most at the neighborhood pub, where drinks are $4 from 5-7 pm and you are forced to pony up at least $25-$30 in order to use your card. Possible outcomes are below.

1. "Damn it. Minimum is $25. Everyone just put your drinks on my tab and give me cash." 2 hours later: Not only your friends, but friends of friends, and friends of friends of friends have used your visa. You are now stuck with a $75 tab that no one seems to think they participated in. "Who took the 5 shots of Jager? Anyone? Is the entire BAR just putting their drinks under my name??" !

2. "Let's see. If the minimum is $25, then I am going to have to drink 6 glasses of Shiraz in order to make this worth it. Must finish said drinks within 2 hours before we head to dinner." 2 hours later: You are passed out on your couch, missed dinner, and forgot your credit card at the bar.

3. "Can I have my check please?" Bartender: "Yes - but your total is $12 and the minimum is $30." "OK - um...I'll have another vodka soda then." Bartender: "OK - total is now $16." "OK - throw on 2 shots for my friends over there." Bartender: "OK. Shots are $2 - there's a shot and beer special. You still have ten dollars left." OH MAN. THIS IS ABSURD. Maybe I should just take my card and run. No, don't do that. "OK, can I possibly just owe you for next time? Are you SURE you charged me for BOTH of my drinks? Can you charge me MORE? How much is that nasty old shirt up there hanging on the wall? Would that bring me to $30?"

4. "I don't feel like bothering with this. Here is your $15 tip for serving me 2 drinks. And, yeah - next time, please let me know what the minimum is during happy hour. I'll remember to leave my card at home and just bring my coin collection."

People who don't write out full words

Pls, Pls tell me Y if someone is IMing, Emailing, or Txting, Y they R not able 2 type out a FULL word. What is even worse, is that now PPL use this terminology in every day conversation... JK!! (actually I'm not).

LOL, LMAO, ROFL.... WTF?!! Is there now a F-ing abbreviation or acronym for every human emotion?? Obvi!!

OMG, as if we aren't already lazy enough we now resort to this?

I shouldn't have to resort to a GOOGLE search just to figure out what you are typing to me.

"Get me that TPS report ASAP. Thx!"

"N/P. btw, TGIF!"

I think I will shoot myself if I ever catch myself in that conversation.

How long will it be until you receive foreign language college credit for learning all of this lingo??


Please try to tell me how this method of communicating is not incredibly annoying?

PS,

TY for reading this post. TTYL8r, time for some ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The Rain Out

Ughhh. I am sitting at home writing this entry rather then playing in my weekly Tuesday night softball game thanks to the most annoying thing in the world (at least if you asked me that question right now) the Rain Out. That's 2 weeks in a row and 4 out of 7... when did I move to Seattle?? The Rain Out is annoying enough when it is pouring all day, but it has to be at least 100 times more annoying when you're given false hopes that the weather is going to cooperate-- only to have the tides change at the very last moment. For example last week the forecast called for steady rain all day, but leading up to our 8pm gametime it had yet to even drizzle. Just as I get in my car one single drop of rain splashed across my windshield, dashing my heart with fear. No more than 5 minutes later a monsoon settled over Chicago and the inevitable Rain Out took place shortly thereafter.

Beyond my beer league softball that no one cares about, rain outs are really annoying for everyone. BBQs, beach days, golf, picnics, baseball games -- everyone has felt the remorse of prepping for a day of fun, only for it to be ruined by rain. Even if it doesn't rain, the mere CHANCE of rain is quite annoying. Constant checking of the radar, glances every 5 minutes at the clouds, and the awful anxious feeling of rushing to get something in before the rain ends it. All annoying.

If only we were living in a Truman Show world where we could make it sunny with a flip of a switch... in that case I would be playing softball right now. At least my television can't be rained out (oh crap... I have a satellite which doesn't work when it's raining. UGHHHHH).

Customer Service: Automated machine has replaced an actual human

Oh. My. Sweet. Lord. I have reached my breaking point with automated customer service - when did this happen? And WHY? Remember the good old days.. if you were having a problem with your internet, or your television wasn't operating properly, or you needed to change your airline ticket, you would simply ring the company and speak with a representative? A human? An actual person who doesn't demand that you respond with an answer that is already pre-populated? A, B, C or D? Yes or No?

Today, I woke up to find that my internet was no longer functioning. I gave the company a call, only to find that speaking with a live representative was no longer an option. The alternative? Talking to an automated woman who promised me that she would "walk me through the process of fixing my modem in no time!" Great! Let's get started. We begin by going over how many lights I have blinking on my modem. Automated woman: "How many lights do you see?" Me: "Four." Woman: "Five?" Me: "NO, FOUR." Woman: "I'm sorry, I don't understand. Can you please repeat your answer?" Me: "FOUR LIGHTS ARE BLINKING." Woman: " I still did not get that. Would you like to call back and try again?" Me: "NO - I ALREADY WAITED 12 AND A HALF MINUTES TO GET THROUGH TO YOUR PITIFUL ANSWERING SERVICE! FOUR LIGHTS. F-O-U-R." Woman: "OK - I think you said, you see four lights. Is that correct?" Me: "Yes!" We continue on in this same fashion, me repeating my answers over and over and OVER until the automated woman (who I must say, has a rather promiscuous-sounding voice for someone who is representing Time Warner Cable's internet help-desk) decides that she will now try to find my modem on the server. Woman: "Please hold while I try to locate your modem." Five minutes later. "Please continue to hold. I apologize for the wait." Oh, really? You do? Do you feel bad about the fact that I'm wasting my daytime minutes sitting here on speakerphone while you, a machine, searches for my modem? You can't possibly feel THAT bad, now, c'mon. Ten minutes later..."I am sorry. I do not see your modem on our server. I am going to have to transfer you to someone who will be able to help you with your technical complication." Hooray! Maybe I will now speak with a living human! WRONG. "Hello! My name is Mark and I am here to help you. Please tell me how many lights are blinking on your modem." OH. MY. LORD. I hang up. I can't take this anymore!! Isn't the unemployment rate higher than it has been in about 15 years? I have a thought: Let's start hiring people to work in customer service departments. How about it? My stress level will go down exponentially, as will my phone bill.  

Plastic Packaging

Why does plastic packaging have to be so FREAKING hard to open? You would think with all of the inventions and design developments over the last few decades we could come up with a less annoying way of packaging a product. New razors, replacement electric toothbrush heads, electronic gadgets... you name it - they are all guilty of it. I wish all these products would come with a new pair of scissors since I have probably broken about 5 pair of my own while attempting to stab and cut into the obnoxious plastic. On top of it, while stabbing and ripping the package, I'm scared out of my mind that I'm going to get a brutal "plastic cut" (think paper cut only much MUCH worse). I can't be alone in finding this whole process incredibly annoying.

Not only do I hate the type of plastic packaging mentioned above, but the less obtrusive style of plastic packaging also hits a nerve. Packs of gum, new DVDs, new video games -- although often times there is a little tab or plastic strip to help you along in the opening process, it seems as if this little convenience manages to always hide from my sight. I just want to play my new video game -- I don't want to sit here spending 5 minutes getting it open and then having to deal with the produced static causing the plastic to stick to me and the case!

So this is a call to all of you bright designers & engineers out there. Can we PLEASE come up with solution to the annoyance of plastic packaging??? Both me and my broken scissors thank you in advance.

Person in the cube next to mine who chooses to have personal phone conversations at their desk during the workday

Good morning, coworker in the cube directly next to mine who I have never spoken with. As I sit here at my desk, trying my best to IGNORE the very personal phone conversation that you are having with your mother right now about your urinary tract infection, I can do no such thing. Here I am, trying to filter through my inbox at a diligent pace and am now being sidetracked by your useless banter regarding an issue that I want absolutely no part of. Yesterday it was about your son Trevor's soccer game...did you end up making it there on time? How were the sliced oranges that you brought - did you end up deciding whether to tote them over in a plastic baggie or a re-useable container? And how is your husband's indigestion today? I think you asked your mother to remind you to give him his Prilosec tonight, but if she forgets, here is a reminder. Neighbor, although you and I have never met, I am beginning to feel as though we are old friends. I know where you are going to dinner tonight in midtown and that you can't figure out what type of flowers to send to your client who just had a baby and is taking an extended maternity leave. Thing is, you're just LOUD. You make no attempt to hide the fact that you do indeed spend a large majority of your day babbling. If you could just reduce the volume a bit, I think we could really start to get along. Maybe I'll even start to believe that you really do work at this company and are not just utilizing the desk next to mine to make free personal phone calls. By the way, the dress that you're wearing is NOT cute - you can stop describing the fabric to mom because I am sitting right here next to you and can vouche for the fact that it is in no way "a mirror image of the Vera Wang that Molly Sims is wearing on page 34 of this month's InStyle magazine!! Like, totally!". Mom would agree. I know that the other people in our row are hip to your game, because everytime you call your pharmacist to order your prescription of Zoloft, 75 milligrams, you speak extra loud due to the fact that your pharmacist has a hearing problem. Please, I'm begging you. I'm really trying to focus, and so is the rest of the row. Either start using your "inside voice" or I'm going to have to request a desk change. And by the way, I can't wait until you depart on your 2 week vacation to the Maldives - you said yesterday that you're leaving tomorrow?

Dear Starbucks, I think your coffee sucks.

I have been wanting to share my thoughts on this for quite some time, but have chosen to remain silent until today. I just can't accept this any longer. Starbucks...your coffee is absolutely horrendous. It tastes like acid-soaked chalky water that has been left out on my counter for weeks and then microwaved at the last moment. Yeah, I said it. But, why? Why does the most popular coffee chain in the country happen to have the worst tasting brew?? Trust me - I've done my part. I have tried to dress up my "Grande Verona Blend" or "Tall Pike's Place" for years...2% milk and splenda, half and half with plain sugar...even a shot of gingerbread syrup...it still tastes the same. Lucky for me, I happen to have other coffee options near my office, but I often feel a sense of remorse for those who do not have this luxury, and who do not feel like spending $4.67 on a tall skim extra hot latte that often times arrives luke warm and sans foam (a latte is supposed to have foam. Always. The foam is the best part.) I have decided that it must be a joke - and the owners of Starbucks are the only ones laughing. You have won, Mr. Starbucks. I am not going to spend money on your extra strong, rancid and abhorent tasting plain coffee. But alas! Look at the myriad of OTHER, more costly options we can choose from that only set us back a few extra bucks! This being said, I find it only fair that you remove the "coffee" part of your title - leaving your name as solely "Starbucks". What do you think? 

Guy who listens to his music too loudly

Hey guy in a suit leaning up against the door in the train -- just because I forgot my ipod at home today doesn't mean that I want to listen to your crappy music. I can only imagine how loud your music is in your ears if I can clearly make out the beat of the song you are listening to. I am, however, quite perplexed that you are grooving to some type of bizarre techno song that one would only hear at some random secret rave party at 4am. How you just stand there still as a silo rather than starting to dance through the aisle is anyone's guess.

Why do people like the guy mentioned above find it necessary to listen to their music at level 11 out of 10? Are they just trying to psych themselves up for a fun-filled day in a cubicle staring at a computer screen for 8 hours? And why is it that whenever someone is blasting their music for all to hear they are not incredibly embarrassed that we all know what they are listening to?

Case in point - a few weeks ago I was on the usual 8am elevator voyage up to my office when in walks an unassuming well-dressed older gentlemen, I'm guessing probably around 55 years old(and no Amy B -- I did NOT hold the door open for him). Well Mr. 55 year-old must not have realized his music was loud enough to fill up an entire concert hall. What song Mr. 55 year-old was listening to? Sweet Child O' Mine... I let it slide this time because it was much more AMUSING than ANNOYING.

In conclusion, headphones are meant to serve as little mini-speakers for your ears and your ears only. Please TURN DOWN the volume -- and PS, you have HORRIBLE taste in music.

What are some classic run-ins you have had with "guy who listens to his music too loudly"? Comment below.

The elevator door conundrum

I'm not exactly sure where this tradition originated, but I am seriously, seriously done with having to thank the person who chooses to stand outside of the elevator door and use their arm to "hold it open" as I walk inside. I understand that you are probably just trying to show your kindness by graciously extending one of your extremities to ensure that I do not get accosted whilst entering...But, honestly? Please do not feel the need to engage in this sort of behavior any longer. I am fully capable of holding my own elevator door open and do not need anyone's assistance. If anything, it truly just makes things awkward. After you do so, I am forced to thank you profusely as if you have done something noble like save me from getting hit by a taxi. Chances are, you have done nothing at all. The door was not even attempting to close itself on me. I walk inside and you enter last with a big grin on your face; then continue to look at me as if I owe you your next round at the bar. When I get into an elevator in the morning, all I want to do is finish the song that is currently on my ipod and think about how many minutes I have until I can go back outside for lunch. Holding your arm against the door deserves nothing more than a smile. Maybe a smile. Especially when the behavior occurs prior to me having the opportunity to take a sip of my morning starbucks. Moving forward, feel free to keep you arms to yourself and walk into the elevator just like everyone else chooses to do so. The level of respect will skyrocket and we can all have a happy and comfortable ride up to our respective floors. No awkwardness whatsoever! Sound good?

Friends who never have cash

As long as we are in the subject of cabs, let's address another common occurrence which we have all experienced time and time again -- the friend who never has any cash. Everyone has that one friend who somehow never has any money to pitch in to pay for a cab and that same very friend is usually across the street before you can even ask. "I'll get the next one" or "I'll get the first round at the bar" is usually the response, yet everyone knows neither of these is going to happen. Does this friend think they are sneakily getting away with this? Don't you think after the 10th time trying to pull this same move the rest of us start to catch on??

This is usually the same friend who screws everyone up when you are trying to split a group bill at dinner, but for some reason everyone has put in more than their fair share and we still don't have enough money... that scenario is another post for another day.

"Credit card machine is broken."

I have gotten quite tired of the guilt and frustration I feel every time I step into a New York City taxi. As I reach inside my wallet to notice that, no, of course I have no cash on hand, I realize that I will be forced to endure the good old back and forth between myself and the driver regarding my method of payment. One would hope that since all Manhattan cabs are now fully equipped with functioning credit card machines, these machines would be working at least 99% of the time. No. Not. In. This. City. We arrive at my destination and I take out my debit card, only to hear the driver mumble in a language that sounds something sort of like english, "Machine is not working. Machine is NOT working today." Oh really? Just today? What about yesterday when the other cab I flagged down had a machine that was not working either? And the one I took a few days ago where I was forced to get out of the cab and use an ATM at a deli, only to be charged an additional $2.50 for taking my money out? Hm. Although this can create more of a mess than you had ever imagined could occur in a taxi, I have found a solution. Repeat after me: "Sir, I only have a credit card. I can not get cash. I have to use a credit card or I'm sorry, I just can't pay you." Amazingly enough, the utterance of this sentence magically FIXES the credit card machine! I swear, it's true! Of course, be prepared to hear a nasty comment under his breath as you swipe your card and realize that there's no way in hell you are going to tip him the recommended 25% that is posted on the screen. Thank g-d we're not forced to pay before the trip is over - I can see many trips of mine resulting in me being left off in a dark alley somewhere east of Avenue D. Yikes.

the little red exclamation point

Something that truly bothers me to no end: People who choose to hit the "urgent" symbol for emails that are nowhere near urgent. Why? Why are you bringing this email, which is clearly insignificant, to my immediate attention? Do you think that your inquiry or request is any more important than anyone elses? And, by the way, the more you utilize the little red exclamation point (let's call it, the LREP) the less I am going to believe that your email is even remotely urgent. If anything, I am going to read it LAST, as I know with almost one-hundred percent certainty that this is not something that needs a response by EOD, or COB, or ASAP. The moment a LREP appears in my inbox, I begin to get anxious and feel as though the sender of the email is actually demanding that I respond to this request first. My point? Don't click the LREP unless it is an EXTREMELY important issue, such as, "Do I want to go to a kick-ass happy hour after work that once has one spot left", or "You are eligible to win the lottery, all you have to do is respond to this email". Thanks.

Stuff That is Annoying

Stuff That's Annoying.

Call me old, Call me grumpy, Call me whatever you want -- but as the days pass me by I have come to realize that there are so many of life's little daily annoyances that we all put up with. Are people really as dumb as I think? Well, George W Bush DID get re-elected, so I'll go with the answer YES.


So what is the purpose of this blog? There really is no other purpose than to vent over pet peeves, human stupidities, and other common frustrations that torment all us "common folk". Venting will probably not make "stuff" any less annoying, but at least by making fun it of we can in result feel much better about ourselves!

~DP