Person in the cube next to mine who chooses to have personal phone conversations at their desk during the workday

Good morning, coworker in the cube directly next to mine who I have never spoken with. As I sit here at my desk, trying my best to IGNORE the very personal phone conversation that you are having with your mother right now about your urinary tract infection, I can do no such thing. Here I am, trying to filter through my inbox at a diligent pace and am now being sidetracked by your useless banter regarding an issue that I want absolutely no part of. Yesterday it was about your son Trevor's soccer game...did you end up making it there on time? How were the sliced oranges that you brought - did you end up deciding whether to tote them over in a plastic baggie or a re-useable container? And how is your husband's indigestion today? I think you asked your mother to remind you to give him his Prilosec tonight, but if she forgets, here is a reminder. Neighbor, although you and I have never met, I am beginning to feel as though we are old friends. I know where you are going to dinner tonight in midtown and that you can't figure out what type of flowers to send to your client who just had a baby and is taking an extended maternity leave. Thing is, you're just LOUD. You make no attempt to hide the fact that you do indeed spend a large majority of your day babbling. If you could just reduce the volume a bit, I think we could really start to get along. Maybe I'll even start to believe that you really do work at this company and are not just utilizing the desk next to mine to make free personal phone calls. By the way, the dress that you're wearing is NOT cute - you can stop describing the fabric to mom because I am sitting right here next to you and can vouche for the fact that it is in no way "a mirror image of the Vera Wang that Molly Sims is wearing on page 34 of this month's InStyle magazine!! Like, totally!". Mom would agree. I know that the other people in our row are hip to your game, because everytime you call your pharmacist to order your prescription of Zoloft, 75 milligrams, you speak extra loud due to the fact that your pharmacist has a hearing problem. Please, I'm begging you. I'm really trying to focus, and so is the rest of the row. Either start using your "inside voice" or I'm going to have to request a desk change. And by the way, I can't wait until you depart on your 2 week vacation to the Maldives - you said yesterday that you're leaving tomorrow?