Airport delays

OK. So. I know that everyone on earth - has dealt with - or - may be currently dealing with? - airport delays. It's annoying. Oh, wait. It's EXTREMELY annoying. Flight delays definitely rank up there with some of the most annoying things that I can think of. 

Case in point: Friday, 3pm. 

Have flight from New York to Chicago. The weather in New York? 72 and sunny. SUN. Lots of it.  I'm looking out the window, so I know. And Chicago? 70 and sunny. I check my flight around 1pm, just to make sure that when I hop into my taxi (with $40 dollars in hand ready to graciously hand over to the cabby - i love giving away money - don't you!!?) that I am not jumping the gun and getting to the airport too soon. Seriously. I want to arrive there with ample time to check in, fix my makeup, peruse the magazine stand, stock up on candy, hit the bar, and make it to the gate before takeoff. That's what I want. 

Website says that flight 690 is on-time. Fabulous! Continue to check flight status on the ride there. Still on time! Who's lucky... THIS GIRL!

I arrive at the airport, check in, then proceed to security. I still have about 35 minutes to make my flight, so we're good. Get in line. Take out laptop. Take off shoes. Take off belt. Take off coat. Earrings? Nah - I'll leave them on and hope for the best.

"I'm sorry miss - you have to remove your necklace as well." Necklace: off.

"Your watch." Watch: off.

"Is your cell phone in your jeans?" Cell phone: out of jeans.

"Where's your ticket, ma'am?" Ticket is in my coat. DAMN IT. Seriously? The stress is overwhelming. Find coat.

"Ok - please walk through now." GOOD - because, I'm almost out of things to wear. And, I'm going to miss my flight.

Arrive at gate. Sit down. Breathe. Thank G-d that I remembered to grab all of my belongings from the security belt. Think about how many minutes it is going to take for me to get from Laguardia to Chicago, based on previous flights. 2 hours, 25 minutes. Need to make my dinner reservation tonight. Look at watch. Exactly 28 minutes until flight is supposed to leave. What?? Aren't we supposed to board 30 minutes in advance? Their watches must be off. Sit. Breathe. Wait. Someone has an announcement.

"Passengers on flight 690, flying to Chicago O'Hare. Your flight is now delayed due to air traffic control. We will update you momentarily regarding your estimated departure." 

OH LORD. Why is this happening! I got here on time!! The weather is perfect!! I made it through security in under 20 minutes!! I already told my mother I was leaving!! (she's EXTREMELY  anxious and tracks the entire flight online - she even knows when we receive our complimentary beverages and when the jetway is secure so that we can exit the aircraft). Fifteen minutes later...

"Passengers on flight 690, flying to Chicago's O'Hare airport. Your expected departure time is now 4:30pm." Great. It's a good thing that the weather is perfect in New York. And, Chicago. And, I am here on time. I sit. I read. I wait. I cry. Wait - I don't cry. I want to cry.

Is it just me? Am I bad luck? I feel as though I experience airport delays much more often than the average jet-setter. And yet, the only 2 cities I seem to travel to/from are New York and Chicago. 

Finally, FINALLY, our "aircraft" has arrived. "Passengers on flight 690.." "YES?! We're STILL HERE waiting... although, by the looks on some of these people's faces, we're about ready to jump ship and WALK to Chicago..." "Passengers, your aircraft has arrived in New York. Once we have cleaned the aircraft and refueled, we will begin the boarding process."

We board the plane, 2 hours late. The man in front of me has decided that, although we are not supposed to put our seats back before take-off, he is going to recline all the way into my lap. This is fun. The person to my right smells. Bad. Yet, I find solace in the fact that I am going to be taking off soon and will be landing in Chicago in about 2 hours.

"Ladies and gentlemen - this is your captain speaking. The weather in New York is 72 degrees, with winds out of the west. We are hoping for a smooth ride all the way to Chicago. Your flight attendants are, Susan, Gregory and Wanda. Please fasten your seatbelts. We will be taxi-ing out to the runway momentarily. And please turn off all electronic devices until we have reached 35 thousand feet." Yay!! We're leaving!!

"We are now on the runway. Unfortunately, air traffic control has put us on a holding pattern, due to the weather in Chicago. Please sit tight - we'll be getting an update in about 35 minutes."

The weather in Chicago? 70 and sunny.